Wednesday, January 30, 2013
I haven't been sleeping well. Correction: I have been sleeping well until about four or five a.m. and then waking with a feeling that I can only describe as marrow-sucking. It's as though every little problem and big problem in my waking life take on the same epic proportions just before dawn...so the need to find Kicky's leotard is on the same level as how we're going to pay for her to go to college seven years from now. I have no explanation for this sleep-killing anxiety, but I'm about done with it. I've been trying to use this time to write in my head...as though solving the problems of my fictional world will somehow distract from those in my real world. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. I think it mostly feels like I'm running out of time. There are so many things I haven't gotten to yet, and time is like a fire tearing through a warehouse filled with newspapers. I feel like I'm running from it, the heat all around me and flames licking at my bare feet. So that's where my head is at. In case you were wondering.