My bad seed

Just when I think I couldn't be any more stressed out, I get home from teaching last night and my babysitter quits. She's threatened to do so on about a zillion occasions, and I finally had enough. So I pull a Johnny Cochrane and tell her she either needs to commit or to quit, and she quits. God, and poor Kicky (her reason for leaving) is trembling and teary at my side. And to top it off, it's the sitter's birthday, and Kicky has made her a lemon cake and a card covered with glitter glue and pom-pons, which the sitter ends up leaving behind. I have never felt so heartbroken for Kicky before. The truth is, every other sitter we've had has adored her. Her teachers love her. Maybe this is why this hurts so much. The idea that someone wouldn't fall head over heels with her...who would think she is a bad kid even, some sort of cherubic looking demon seed...is unbearable. I trust Kicky's instincts about people though, and she's never been thrilled with this set-up. I think it's basically a case of favoritism. When I got home, the sitter was feeding Esmee cake and Kicky was in a time-out. The sitter likes babies, and Esmee is the baby. What's a four year old to do but make messes and act out???

Anyway, this afternoon I'm interviewing a teenager from up the street. He's had CPR and sitter training, and is available for the hours I need. I just hate this. I don't like it when people come into my life and then exit abruptly. It upsets the entire equilibrium of things.

As for the agent, I wrote a neurotic note to which he responded SO kindly. He promises to get to it next week. He even says he's "inclined to want to work with me" and will give it "the most serious consideration." He also told me I don't need to start biting my nails yet (little does he know of the bloody stubs that remain).

Think happy thoughts. Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean...